Home.

Do you ever feel homesick?

I have never felt homesick before. Ever. In my whole life. I’ve always been independent, adventurous, spontaneous, and couldn’t WAIT to get away from home when I was younger. But you know what? I’ve been a bit homesick lately.

If you haven’t guessed before, I’m happiest when I’m surrounded by people. I love parties. I love gatherings. I love girl’s night outs. I love going on trips with friends. I’m constantly around people!

But lately, for whatever reason, I’ve felt a bit lonely. It’s like the Michael Buble song “Home” where he says:

Surrounded by…a million people I…still feel all alone…and I want to go home. 

Which, essentially, is what led me to drive from here:

Draper Utah, our gorgeous new home in Utah…

…to here:
The Dalles, Oregon, a tiny little orchard town where I grew up, equally as gorgeous…

…to see these two:
…the best parents ever. 

On impulse.
By myself.
12 hours.
With a 2 yr old and a 7 month old.
By myself.
12 hours.
In a car. 
By myself.
Worth it.

Why?
I’ve thought about this a lot lately. I’ve come to a few conclusions.

For one…
I’ve concluded that many times the people who are deepest and dearest to you are the ones that you knew before you got married. While this isn’t always the case, think about it…

  • Who are the friends that know you the best?
  • Who are the friends that you pick up where you left off every time you talk to them, no matter how long it’s been?
  • Who are the friends who you’d plan a vacation to go visit?
  • Usually those are your best high school friends, college friends, and family members. 

Not always, but usually.
Why?

I think it’s because when you get married your emotional need for a best friend is mostly filled. You tend to marry your best friend, so you don’t make as deep of connections with people. You just don’t need them as much.

I think another reason is because…we’re just plain busy! We have kids, clubs, jobs, houses, pets, family gatherings, carpools, church responsibilities, and more. We simply don’t have as much time to spend with friends as we did when we were single.

So why do I feel a little lonely, even though I’m surrounded by tons of great FRIENDS, and good people who are fun to be around and make me happy?

My second conclusion is this…

While I have lots of new friends, so far I don’t have anyone around me who fits into the above category of my deepest and dearest. I have good and even best friends in the state of Utah, and we even have some extended family here. BUT as a mom you tend to rely heavily on your immediate network (like your neighborhood). So while there are so many amazing people in the new city we moved to…

No one knows me. 
No one loves my child like my deepest and dearest do. 
I don’t really have anyone (yet) to call and vent to when I’m just having a hard day. 
I don’t have anyone (yet) who I’m emotionally connected to.
And the hardest to face is…
No one needs me (yet).
It seems that people’s emotional needs are filled by their deepest and dearest.
…so I needed a little dose of HOME.
(My mom just had knee surgery and she needed a lift too. Perfect!)
I say YET because I’m sure it will happen. The longer you live somewhere, the deeper your roots go. I know it seems like I’m wallowing in self-pity, but I’m actually doing ok. It’s ok. I’m facing the facts. I’m out of my comfort zone, but it’s good. I’m coping, I’m finding ways to get involved and am looking for my “place” in Draper, and I have no doubt I will find it eventually.
 But for now, we are new. 
We are (really) young for our area. 
And really, we are a bit alone. 
…but only for now!
So why am I boring you all with my sob story? 
I bet many of you are like, “woa! Stop complaining, sheesh!”
But here’s my thought…if I’m feeling alone, I’m sure someone somewhere is also feeling alone. Wanna know what’s cool about that concept?
That means we are not alone.
We all go through this. This is life. It’s ok. It’s beautiful, wonderful, hard, and worth it. 
It’s ok.
My advice? Do something about it! I, personally, have been all over the internet looking for classes, mommy groups, book clubs, and play dates to join. I’ve been hosting parties, calling neighbors to go walking with me, and we have tried to have someone over for dinner and/or dessert every single weekend since we’ve moved in, trying to get to know people better.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that…

…if you wait for people to come to YOU, you will be sitting around and waiting forever. If you want something to change in your life, YOU need to be the one to make the first step. You can’t sit around and wait for life to happen!
Also, I find solace in turning to God and my Savior who know me better than I even know myself. It really does help, I have to say.
Once again, I’m so happy in our home. I am blessed beyond belief. BUT…I am also human, and humans need to be loved. Especially us moms! It can be lonely being home all day :) So really, I have no doubt that this feeling is temporary. In fact, I feel better already. Why?
I came home.
Ahhhh….it feels good.

Comments

  1. says

    Sweetheart, I understand this post probably more than anyone else in the whole world! I have finally come to consider British Columbia, Canada to be my home, because as they say, home is where your heart is. And my husband and two kids are here with me in Canada, so I have made this my home. But my HOME, my home HOME, my forever HOME… is and will always be in South Carolina. And I miss it so terribly much sometimes that I literally can feel my heart aching to be near my parents and my sister and the familiarity of Southern accents and hot sunny days and gentle ocean breezes with palm trees! I get the need for making an impulse decision to drive by yourself to "get a fix" of home. My only wish is that it wouldn't take me close to 7 days to make such a drive myself! For me, it's a day trip by plane!!!
    Thank you so very much for this post. Just from reading it, I feel less alone. And yes, I love Michael Buble as well! I'm so happy that you were able to go HOME!
    My recent post Reagan IS Taylor Swift (with video to prove it!)

  2. says

    I totally understand! Strangely, I was born in Iowa, but only lived there until I was 2. That doesn't count. :) But I did visit all my growing up years. I feel homesick for that slower, beautiful place that is full of family, full of cows, and full of antiquated homes and 'real' people. :) But even living where I have for a long time, I still don't feel like it's "home." So I struggle being content where God has me. :) I totally agree with you that your closest friends come almost before you're married! Soo true. :) I've recently been struggling with feeling close to girls in my church. We do go to bible study and church, but during the rest of the week, it's so tough to develop those relationships! What with working, being married and cultivating that relationship, and doing school, making meals, etc. :) It's tough! I haven't quite gotten a handle on it, and while my husband IS my best friend, it's nice to have a few besties! Just tough when you haven't met many that just "click" with you. :)
    http://munchtalk.blogspot.com
    My recent post Spiffy Business: Further Products

  3. gina says

    AMEN! You read my thoughts. There are days it all I can do to stop myself from driving from Seattle to San Diego with a stop in SLC to visit my sister.

  4. Heidi says

    I can't tell you how much I needed to read this tonight. After moving from New Orleans to french Quebec in Canada I have struggled to find my place here, friends, and learn a new language. I'm a shy person by nature so some days it's all too much. I wrote down some things you said in this post and the one on Embracing Change because I know I will need to hear them again. Thank you for sharing your own experiences and I plan to take more steps to reach out and find friends here.

  5. funcheaporfree says

    Thanks for sharing. Wow, what a big move! Makes my 30 minute move look puny :) Best of luck opening up to new opportunities, please keep me posted! Thanks for reading, xoxo

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