Book Club

In case you haven't heard, we have a new FCF Book Club book to help us all Focus on Relationships this month! I hope you are all reading along. If not, lucky for you the book is “The 5 Love Languages” and it's a super easy read, so you could start now and catch up in no time 😉

I thought I would pop in quickly and mention a few things that struck me/inspired me in the book so far:

5 love languages book - a must read

  • I love that the book teaches that the key to a lasting relationship is to figure out what your PARTNER'S love language is, and how to fill their “love bucket”. The first time I read this book I spend the entire time reading it thinking, “what's MY love language?” and analyzing myself. This time I'm really trying to think of what Bubba's is and focus on that.
  • I find myself getting more and more selfish throughout the years. I find myself focusing more on my kids and less on Bubba as time goes on. Not because I don't love Bubba to death, but because my kids' needs are very hands-on. They literally need me literally every second of literally every day. Literally. So it's a good reminder for me to stop and think of Bubba's needs too.
  • I love that he drills it in us that we need to fill our partner's love bucket FIRST, and then ours will fill as a result – not the other way around.
  • Our inside joke is now “you look sharp in that suit!”. If you read the book, I'm sure you chuckled at that too 🙂
  • Bubba and I are both NOT words of affirmation people. I am not only bad at it, but it makes me downright uncomfortable to verbally dote over people or have them dote over me. The good news? We both feel the same way. The bad news? I need to get over it. It's easy for Bubba and I to compliment each others' physical appearance (“you look great babe!” or “I like your hair that way”) but the deeper stuff is harder. I'm making a conscious effort to show appreciation for Bubba verbally, and not just tell him how hot he is 😉
  • One thing that struck me is that I need to focus on words of affirmation for my kids. Namely Priya. She is hard. Really really hard for me. She's a good kid and is an angel for other people, but she pushes my buttons, patience, and willpower like no one else in this world can. And she's only 2 1/2! I feel guilty almost daily at how hard I am on her. From reading this book I am going to work on giving her words of affirmation and drown her with positive, encouraging, reinforcing words and see if it helps!
  • I love this quote from the book:
Love doesn’t keep a score of wrongs. Love doesn’t bring up past failures. None of us is perfect. We can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future. If I choose justice and seek to pay my spouse back or make her pay for her wrongdoing, I am making myself the judge and her the felon. Intimacy becomes impossible. If, however, I choose to forgive, intimacy can be restored. Forgiveness is the way of love. 
  •  Bubba and I both have quality time as our primary love languages…which is probably why we are abundantly happy 99.9% of the time. We are very very very very lucky that we speak the same language. However, we speak different dialects. For me it's more about proximity, for him it's about focused attention. So this can be tricky. I am fine sitting next to him on the couch watching a show and working on our computers side-by-side. He wants to put everything away and talk, eye contact and all. So it takes some concentrating on my side and I need to be better at it.
  • Listening. Quality time is not just about talking, it's about listening. I need to work on my listening, again, especially with my kids. And I need to learn to ask Bubba and the kids the right questions to get them talking.

Those are a few thoughts, hows the book going for you?? What has struck you so far?