What To Do About Those Expensive Friends of Yours!

What to do about those expensive friends of yours (that are slowly making you go broke!)

Have you ever had those friends (or family members) that you love to be with, but are slowly but surely sending you to the poor house? Yeah, you know the ones…

Whether they prefer fancy dates, vacations, or restaurants when you hang out with them, or whether they expect high-end, designer, or elaborate parties or gifts. How do you set boundaries without offending or ruining a relationship?

The other day I was interviewed for an article on Mainstreet.com titled, “5 Ways Your Friends (And Their Stupid Parties) May be Driving You Into Debt“. I thought I would share it with you since many of you might be in the same boat:

5 Ways Your Friends Might Be Making You Broke:

No one wants to miss out on the latest parties or weekend getaways with friends, but how much is it costing you to keep up with your social circle? Here's a look at the top five ways your friends may be driving you into debt, because fun times often don't come cheap.

1. The last-minute invite

Spontaneity can be fun, but it can also be expensive, cautions Bruce McClary, vice president of public relations and external affairs for the National Foundation for Credit Counseling.

“A night out with friends can come together faster than you can say ‘flash mob,' and there isn't much time to think about spending limits,” he says. “Feel confident about taking a pass when it looks like you'll break the bank or pile on unwanted debt, and follow up by suggesting a time and place where you may be more likely to join the fun.”

Everyone knows a spur-of-the moment, over-the-top celebrator, says Erin Ellis, financial educator at Philadelphia Federal Credit Union, but you don't have to join in every time they suggest a celebration.

“These friends find an excuse to celebrate any and every life event — engagements, new jobs, old jobs, pets' birthdays,” she says. “While it's all fun and games, the financial element of celebrating so often — and in such high fashion — can add up quickly.”

2. Gift-giving

What to do about those expensive friends of yours (that are slowly making you go broke!)

The larger your circle of friends, the more celebrations you share, McClary says. Unfortunately, the cost for birthdays and other special occasions can get fairly expensive if the spending is not part of a clearly defined plan.

“Find ways to keep this budget category affordable, and communicate among your group of friends so everyone agrees on an acceptable way to acknowledge special occasions that is more inclusive and cost effective,” he suggests.

Oftentimes people feel pressure to give expensive gifts to friends who are accustomed to a more lavish lifestyle. This just isn't necessary, Ellis says.

“For the friend that just keeps on giving, it's often hard to keep up, especially if you're in a lower income bracket that they are,” she says. “People worry that they'll come off as uncaring or cold if they don't reciprocate a gift that is of a similar value than the one which they received, but it's important to acknowledge the financial disparity between you and your friends. Remind yourself that while you may be living similar lifestyles, you are doing so on massively diverging budgets.”

When a big gift-giving event such as a baby shower approaches, try to pool funds for a group gift, suggests Kathleen M. Hastings, a certified financial planner and portfolio manager at FBB Capital Partners.”Go together with friends and get a special gift that is really needed rather than another ‘one of many' toys, receiving blankets or set of socks,” she says.

3. Happy Hour

What to do about those expensive friends of yours (that are slowly making you go broke!)

Happy hour may seem like a money-saving opportunity, but if your friends always encourage “one more drink,” it's probably best if you head home early.

“One more drink inevitably turns into two or three more drinks, and you may end up getting stuck with the tab,” Ellis says. “The trouble comes in when you linger even after happy hour ends, when the drinks become full-price again. A bar tab here and there may not seem like a lot at the time, but eventually it will add up.”

The same word of caution applies when going out to eat, she says. Restaurant bills can add up quickly and aren't always evenly split.

“If it's a large group dining out … everyone may agree to split the bill evenly, despite the fact that you only ordered the salad.”

4. Dining out and birthday parties

What to do about those expensive friends of yours (that are slowly making you go broke!)

One of the most common ways to catch up with friends is over a meal. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to save money when dining out, especially if your friends are foodies, says Jordan Page, of Savings.com and founder of the blog FunCheapOrFree.

“To combat the problem, we started hosting dinner parties at our house,” Page says. “Every couple was asked to contribute one part of the meal, and we provided the main dish. It allowed everyone to bring something they felt proud of, and gave us a great time out with good food … without the expensive price tag.”

For birthday parties, which tend to be a “nightmare” on your budget thanks to drinks, presents and dinners, try to plan an inexpensive night out by splitting the cost of an affordable concert or other event, Page says.

“I try to plan a girl's night out. All of us split the birthday girl's ticket or tab so we're all contributing to a great night out without having to buy her a designer gift that we can't afford,” she says.

5. Weddings

Check out there rest of the post HERE!

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Hope that helps with some of your expensive friend dillemas!

On a lighter note, I'm sorry to report that Bubba and I got home from a city concert at 10pm (yes, with the kids. yikes!) and by the time we got the kids down we could hardly keep our eyes open. So I haven't watched the Bachelorette yet! Don't worry, the recap is coming soon as we will make it a point to watch the episode tomorrow, if it kills us.

Have a fabulous day!

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Comments

  1. Love this! I love paries and gift giving, but hate feeling over-burdened financially, time-wise or etiquette-wise! (Lots of wise there). As a natural born frugalista, may I offer a few other ideas:

    1. If kids are of an age to be invited to birthday paries, snag gifts while on clearance. When my daughter was in kindergarden, she was invited to 16 birthday parties! I snagged stuffed bears at a post-Christmas 90% off sale, made a simple dress for each and this was her “standardized gift” for the year. Rumor was it a couple of invites were due to word of the bears leaking out.

    2. Likewise, snag post holiday goodies for gift giving. I try to keep on hand scented candles, fancy chocolates and handmade things that can be gifted. You can grab a basket and create a gorgeous spa basket super cheap. Thrift shop or yard sale fancy dishes can be gifted with chocolates, baked goods or similar treats.

    3. When dining out with a group I ALWAYS ask server for a separate check. Do it quietly, but with serious intent. Started this after going out with a group to a restaurant well above pur budget. We figured out quickly that our host was not treating us to the meal (as we first thought) and asked for a separate check. My husband and I had soup, while others ordered appetizers and $35 entrees. When bill came, the ‘host’ passed the hat for everyone to pitch in. Thankfully, we had asked for a separate check.

    4. For babies, handmade can rule the day. My new “go to” is picking up deeply discounted board books at TJ Maxx or similar. I pair the book with a coordinating blankie made from my fabric stash. Other ideas are to stock up on basic baby goods from clearance racks. Or disposable diapers when you have a killer coupon. One popular guest always wraps up a coupon for a homemade meal or two. She delivers meal with disposable dishes at the Mom’s convenience.

    5. With group gifts, be sure you know how mich each person is expected to contribute. Decades ago, one group gift asked for $50 from each participant, way above my gidting budget for an acquiantance.

    6. Before agreeing to be in a wedding, clarify what expenses will be involved. It can be done tactfully. Seriously, if the bride knows you well enough to invite you to be in the wedding party, they should not you are frugalicious.

    7. I shop and prep for holiday gift giving all year. At the January super clearance sales, I try to nab pretty ornaments, they make perfect neighbor and teacher gifts. I try for the 80-90% off sale, making each gift $2 or less. Or I plan ahead and start making gifts.

    8. Do plan ahead. Remember things like end of year teacher gifts, coach gifts, etc. Again, be clear about cost before signing on for a group gift. PS Teachers generally like homemade bread, jam, notecards and similar.

    9. The thought really should count. My husband once took our grandkids to a thrift shop to buy gifts for my surprise birthday party. Their little minds worked super hard to pick “perfect” gifts, which were each treasured. And the thought my husband put into it was the best!

    And I will stop writing now!

  2. The one that ALWAYS gets me is the dang wedding gifts!

    I always want to get people items that are on their registry, but with our budget, I feel like it’s a “Oh, happy wedding! Have fun with that spatula and oven mitt…” 😉

    For our wedding, some of the cutesty/creative gifts people got us were really appreciated, like a game-night bucket stocked with fun board games. But handmade, crocheted items? Not so much (not that anyone would ever “accuse” me of crocheting them ANYTHING. Lol.)

    Would love to hear more on this from you, Jordan. XO
    Laura recently posted…Authenticity Without Being a DoormatMy Profile

  3. Gotta love those friends! Everyone means well but you do have to draw the line somewhere. I try to make handmade gifts whenever possible, even if it’s just a coupon for a coffee chat just the two of us!
    Carol Paxman recently posted…Today is all we haveMy Profile

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